Good morrow, friends! After spending 10 days of virtual darkness- literally, virtual, in the sense of having no internet- in the neighbouring land of Wales, experiencing various adventures and finding a multitude of new things, I am back and ready to blog!
The half way mark of summer holidays is about to hit. I am happy to say that I have, so far, had a more productive summer than last year, but it has been interestingly different, in a good way. When I was a kid, I filled all my summer months (and every other month, for that matter) with creating things, whether it be stories or websites or films or whatever, and it really made me happy to do that. I wasn’t ever concerned with how those things that I would make would turn out in the end, as long as they meant something to me whilst I made them. Recently, I’ve had trouble thinking that way. My motivation has been next to nothing because my inspiration was almost non-existent. So last summer was wasted in a bubble of nothingness of which I barely remember doing a single thing. That meant that this year I was determined that this wouldn’t happen.
So I packed three outings into the first half. That is, Switzerland, Italy and Wales. All three of them were wonderful. I’ll mention Wales in a little more detail in a bit, but I have a point to get to first! Just the experience of going out and seeing the world from a different angle really helped to loosen the negative feelings (I don’t mean to sound all heebie jeebie therapy stuff, but rather in a more reflective way). I suppose in a sense it tempts you out of yourself for a bit. Even if you don’t have an outwardly fantastic experience, or you don’t do everything right, there’s been a change in you from seeing different things to normal. And that is an overall positive effect. Nothing new said, I know, but I thought I would mention it.
However, this wasn’t it. It wasn’t solved. I still came home after a few trips and felt the same de-motivation, or like I couldn’t imagine making anything at all. So after a while of this um-ing and ah-ing, I decided to let it go. My thought process was that if I was demotivated, perhaps it was my mind telling me something about what I was trying to make myself do. I stopped harassing myself or comparing myself to the younger version of me who used to do all these things. I began to see this whole holiday as a rest. From everything. A chance to get my breath back from what was a challenging two years. There was no “you should be doing this” or “you are wasting your life”, but a gentle “just relax for a bit; motivation will come back when you need it”. And it astounded me that less than a week after thinking this, I started making things. Not big things. Not even good things. But it doesn’t matter. Because it means something to me.
What I mean by all of this, and I’m sure it comes as no shock to you but I wanted to share it anyway, that though not a faultless theory, changing perspective or habit or environment along with stopping yourself from giving yourself a hard time about everything or forcing out ideas actually results in a flow of new ideas.
Now, come off the squishy stuff, and let’s talk about the largest mammals. Whales. Or we could talk about Wales, the country. That might be better. This was pretty much my first holiday with just my friends in a house outside of our home country. I actually thought I might die if I had to think about how to look after myself completely and all the time, but it turns out I’m still alive (for now) and most of those things you think about naturally anyway. That probably makes me seem very little, and my only response is that *whispers* I kind of am (5ft4 actually!). We visited places like Porthmadog (which is the best named place in Britain, for your information) and Bangor. I found a little record shop in Porthmadog where I bought Kings of Leon’s Mechanical Bull (I don’t usually buy new records, but I couldn’t resist this one). We went down to the beach at 10pm, made a fire and huddled by it until we ran out of wood to fuel it. There was phosphorescence in the sea because of the bacteria present, so when you paddled late at night you could see little sparks on the water. And I looked up into the night’s sky and saw stars spanning the entire sky, so much so that you could just make out the milky way. Living in a city normally where light pollution is our best friend, and being a lover of physics, it was honestly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. And if you ever get the chance to see that many stars, stare at them until your neck breaks (caution: not medically advised).
Finally, I want to say RIP Robin Williams. He was fantastically funny and it was such a sadness to hear of his death. A really amazing man. My favourite films of his were August Rush, Good Morning Vietnam and Good Will Hunting. If you’ve never seen them, give them a watch. And think of him.
