Over The Hills And Far Away

I can’t help feeling excited about the things to come. My last year at sixth form, and at school in general, has started with a pace as expected, but I have a new energy for it that had escaped me in the one previous important year. I think I realise now that there is a lot of smoke and mirrors when it comes to “important years”, because in actual fact, all years are both important and completely irrelevant. I mean, we change, don’t we? We learn new things, we make big decisions, we morph ourselves as we grow up.

Let me give you an analogy. This is something which really bugs me about any situation that it may happen in. (And I’m using the word ‘bugs’ for lightness. I actually detest it.). So we’re hiking, on a hill somewhere in a national park. We’ve been walking for days, camping – and therefore not getting a whole lot of sleep – and grumbling because we’re british (if you’re not British, just imagine). Ok, it’s the afternoon of the last day, and our limbs are aching and our minds are worn out. Being the human’s that we are, someone asks “How long until the end?” which is perfectly reasonable and natural question. The person who is leading the trip then turns around and says “Just over that hill!”, pointing to the incoming hill. So spirits are lifted as we conserve energy for the last trek over the hill. Only, when we do reach the alternate side of this large hill, we realise how placid a statement that we’d been given. There stretches in front 5 or more hills, with endless pathways and our final destination nowhere to be seen. The leader had attempted to lift our spirits for our current route by telling us something false. But now, because I have walked under false belief that we would stop soon, my energy has gone and my will power has nullified. The long fields that await look more daunting than ever. With or without intent, our leader has sabotaged the rest of route.

I have a distaste for dishonesty, whatever form it may appear in. This particular scenario has actually happened, and the trek to the finish line becomes x100 harder because someone said something untrue. People shouldn’t be false. It’s not logical. It’s not helpful. And the reason I told you this long-winded story is because this is exactly what they do in life. Every year, they tell me “this is the most important year”, and once the year ends, I see the stretches of fields in front that they haven’t mentioned, and I realise how deliberately wrong they had been. It’s something I truly can’t stand. Finally, after years of falling for it, I’ve come to terms with the smoke and mirrors effect, and I hope that I can see when people are telling me something is “just over that hill”. But they are playing a dangerous game. And in that sense it’s not something I’m going to participate in with regards to anyone else. If you ever ask me “How long until the end?”, I hope that I will be honest enough to tell you the truth.

This afternoon, I’m doing some actor head shots for an actor friend of mine. You may have seen him in the short film, “The Ace of Spades” (here). It weirds me out that we’re all applying for university or drama school or wherever, and in one year (if we get in) we’ll be going off into our own lives. We grew up together. It feels so odd to be separating now. It feels so overwhelming. Our childhood is ending. How can this be it? How can becoming an adult feel so incredibly odd?

I’m keen to do some more writing, whether it be screenplays or stories or poetry. And I’m happy that I’ll finally be pushing that camera trigger several hundred times to get that shot. I miss these things when I’m not doing them. I really hope that whatever I do when I’m older, they’ll still be part of it.

Last thing’s last. If there is anyone who’s gone through this stage of life already, I have a question. Did it feel weird for you? Or how did it feel? Because I’m not sure I’m ready for this whole concept of ‘adulthood’, but at the same time, it’s exciting. Don’t feel the need to be logical or practical about it. I care about the emotion, so if you have anything to share, I’ll listen intently.